Mashed Potatoes with Gravy
- Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee. It's going to be a long day, so place your Parrot on a perch nearby to keep you company while you prepare the meal.
- Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
- Prepare stuffing, and remove Parrot from edge of stuffing bowl and return him to perch.
- Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, and remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch. Have another cup of coffee to steady your nerves.
- Remove Parrot's head from turkey cavity and return him to perch, and re stuff the turkey.
- Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as much so that you'll have a regular size serving after the Parrot has eaten his fill. Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
- Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries accidentally flung to the floor by Parrot.
- Peel potatoes, remove Parrot from edge of potato bowl and return him to perch.
- Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown sugar & mini marshmallows. Remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch. Replace missing marshmallows.
- Brew another pot of coffee. While it is brewing, clean up the torn filter. Pry coffee bean from Parrot's beak. Have another cup of coffee & remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
- When time to serve the meal: Place roasted turkey on a large platter, and cover beak marks with strategically placed sprigs of parsley.
- Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, re whip at last minute to conceal beak marks and claw prints.
- Place pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as there's no way to hide the areas of missing marshmallows.
- Put rolls in decorative basket, remove Parrot from side of basket and return him to perch.
- Remove beaked rolls, serve what's left.
- Set a stick of butter out on the counter to soften -- think better and return it to the refrigerator.
- Wipe down counter to remove mashed potato claw tracks. Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.
- Cut the pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream off Parrot's beak and place large dollops of remaining whipped cream on pie slices.
- Whole slices are then served to guests, beaked-out portions should be reserved for host & hostess.
- Place Parrot inside cage & lock the door.
- Sit down to a nice relaxing dinner with your family -- accompanied by plaintive cries of "WANT DINNER!" from the other room.